I’m probably a shithead for doing this but a while back, I had to go to a birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese. Not being one for kid’s parties, I didn’t want to go but went anyway, since it was family. Once there we ate, did the usually shit that goes on at a birthday party then, I was informed that there would be free laser tag for all who were invited.
Nevermind I was a grown man with military training on my side and I would be squaring off against children, my competitive interests were sparked. I haven’t fired a weapon in quite some time, plastic or otherwise, but I was excited to see if I still had it.
So they had us gear up and get ready for war. Was I going to take it easy on children, fuck no! My drill sergeant would have none of that. I still remember him til this day. We were at basic training and he had me fight a female soldier using pugil sticks. Before we started, he walked over to me, and he whispered, “If you lose, you know what’s going to happen right?” I looked at him square in the eyes and knew what I had to do. He rang that bell and I beat her ass, with that oversized Q-tip. Once we were through and the match was called, here came my Drill Sgt again. Leaned in nice and close and whispered, “You should be ashamed of yourself..” Then walked away.
You would think that I would have sat out from laser tag, but I did no such thing. I entered that ring of battle and commenced in bringing the pain. Let me tell you, children suck at laser tag. No strategy, adaptability to environment, or reflexes. They were poorly trained, and I took advantage of their weaknesses. I hid in dark corners and picked these tiny warriors apart, then would reposition before their weapons would come back online.
The most fun I’ve had in a while. Let me tell you. If life is ever kicking your ass, and you need a quick pick me up, or what I like to call a “slump buster”. Challenge a kid to something and destroy them at it. Show them no compassion, they have short memories, and plenty of time to recover. You on the other hand, are probably past your prime, so get those wins in while you can.
I need to do that again..