So this weekend I finally had my wisdom teeth pulled. I was scheduled to have all 4 taken out. I seriously wasn’t looking forward to it. Why would I? One, I dislike pain. Two, I dislike being financial fucked. Speaking of being financially fucked, dental insurance is bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit!! It doesn’t operate like normal health insurance where most of the cost is taken on by the insurance company, it’s the complete opposite. For the next 6 months I’m on a payment plan with the devil.

Anyways I went in for my financial fucking at 7:30 am on Saturday, nervous and not looking forward to it all. Intelligently, I did opt to be put to sleep. Smartest thing I did. I went in, I was asked some questions about who was taking me home. The guy took my vitals and then the surgeon came in. He talked to me about my bottom two wisdom teeth. He told me that the two were sitting on or two close to a nerve which controls sensation in the lower face. He told me that if he got in there chances are he would damage the nerve in some complicity. How exactly, there was no way of knowing until afterwards. So we both decided to leave them in since they weren’t currently bothering me.

After our discussion he hooked me up and I was out like a fuckin light. Next thing I remember was dreaming that I was being wheeled through a lab. In reality I wasn’t dreaming. My wife says I looked up at her and smiled and drunkenly said hi then started looking behind me. I thought I was wheeled in from a separate door but there was only one. I turned around in my wheel chair and said, didn’t I come from over there, my wife looked at me like I was an idiot and said “Umm.. no, there’s only one door.” I think I responded with, You sure?

As the surgeon and my wife talked I whispered, “I’m high as fuck.” Well, I thought I was whispering. Apparently I yelled, “I’m HIGH AS FUCK!” She responded with, “SHHHH!” She later told me there was a kid in the other room who probably heard foul language. I’m not someone who dabbled in illicit drugs much so that was a whole new experience for me. I suggest that oral surgeons post a camera in these rooms upload every comical scene onto YouTube. I would love to have replayed my scene over and over.